Real Talk: Drive-Thru Realizations

A few nights ago at 1 a.m. in a Wendy’s parking lot, while consuming a chocolate Frosty. A friend asked me what I did with my time while I’m not in class since I don’t work when I’m in school.

I was unable to see his facial expression while he said this since he was sitting behind me in back seat, and his tone sounded genuinely curious – but this didn’t stop me from getting furious and defensive. 

I am taking 18 credits.
should really study.
I have student leadership position in our student ministry.
I go to the gym.
I have a social life.
In the past I have completed service learning hours or volunteered.
In the past I gone home too often on the weekends.

And then, after those few moments, I realized I’m not really doing much.

It’s my senior year.
 deserve to slack off.
I deserve not to do anything, because God isn’t telling me to do anything. 
 still waiting. 

I believe rest is good (and necessary) for the soul. 
I believe that as Christians we must be careful not to seek to or find our identity in our professions or hobbies. 
I believe that God didn’t create us just so we could serve Him, but so that we could worship Him.

However, I’m not really resting. I’m just being a poor steward of my time. I like calling it YOLO-ing.

My attention to school work and student ministry leadership position is lacking. I’m staying up ridiculously late, for no reason. My sad attempts at “living it up” usually results in getting a Frosty+ or pizza after midnight.  I’m continuing to have an apathetic outlook for no reason. 

I had a similar blog post to this a few months ago. None of those goals were accomplished (but much of that is due to working at camp this summer. A blog post is on it’s way about that experience). The way I see it, this proves how I need to serve God by doing more things.

A few of those things are

  • Starting to mentor a younger student leader in the ministry I’m involved in.
  • Get in better shape (and develop a plan for that).
  • Find eight different internship postings and apply for them.
  • Donate plasma.
  • Blog once a week. Choose a day that is my blog day. Keep track of blog ideas. 
  • Use my planner again, and make a schedule so that I use my time more wisely.
  • Sign up for a 10 and 13.1 mile run for this spring. That’s right – a half marathon.

Few of these things are exceptionally challenging. Many of them are responsibilities I had to do before writing this post. But I think stating this will help me stop just standing still from fear, and help God speak to me more about my future. 

“And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'” Isaiah 31.1

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things! April 2013

  1. Coffee (DUH). 
  2. Ice cream (Again, DUH). 
  3. Lip stuff. New favorite – Covergirl Jumbo Gloss Balms. They’re moisturizing, not too thick, have pretty good color pay off and seem to last pretty well. I have Coral Twist. I definitely want to try other colors.
  4. Smoothies. My roommate has a Magic Bullet. They’re perfect size for a meal. I like that I can use frozen fruit in them so I don’t have to worry about my fruit going bad. My usual combo is frozen strawberries, brozen banana, orange juice and vanilla protein powder. 
  5. Flip-flops. The weather finally got its act together here in my college town
  6. “I Want Crazy” by Hunter Hayes

    This has been a surprisingly healing song for me. Love isn’t easy – it’s crazy. We all long for, and deserve love that is more than “good enough”. 

Summer Goals

Lately I’ve felt convicted about not taking enough responsibility for my own actions (or lack of them). God has given me so much – a pretty darn healthy, amazing body, great friends and family and a brain. And what am I doing with these gifts? Nothing. 

It’s time to change that.

I wrote these up a few months ago on a post it. Since I fell off the healthy lifestyle a few weeks ago, I thought it would be good to revisit these and post them. I’m adding a few new ones in as well.

  • Do Code Academy tutorials
  • Write for my own fun/good at least once a week
  • Get my 5K time down somewhere between 26-27 minutes
  • Do 1 race every month, May – August, at least one of them has to be a 10K
  • Drink 3-4 liters a day
  • Read “The Nine,” “The Brethren,” “Gideon’s Trumpet” and “Gone With the Wind”
  • Be more intentional with friends
  • Find a church around my hometown
  • Get down to 150 lbs by July 1st

Yup. I have a weight goal.

I just weighed myself. I’m at 164 pounds (but I’ve already ate and drank today). I have a long way to go. But I guess that means I’ll have a lot to write about?

A Procrastination Post/Ramble: My Birthday and Other Updates

Hey ya’ll. I haven’t posted in WAY TOO LONG. It’s the end of the semester which means I’m running around like a chicken with their head cut off.

It also means:

– That I haven’t been sleeping enough

– Eating crappy

– Not exercising

– Going to CVS too much (I went 3 times within 24 hours!)

I’m also sick. What can I say, I’m a hot mess. But I think you all had that figured out already.

I’ve decided that today is the day that I’m getting back on the saddle with fueling my body correctly and exercising. Most of my classes are done now. And if the weather ever gets itself together here in the Midwest  it’ll be time to wear shorts and swimsuits. If that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is!

I also turned 21 this week! I had a great day with some awesome people. I definitely take for granted the people in my life.


I’m in the middle!

On another note, I can’t believe the school year is almost over. I have a mixed feelings about it ending.

I don’t want to leave my college town for summer. Even more so, I don’t want to go back to my hometown for the summer. While I’d miss my parents, besties and the big city feel, I just feel like I should be doing something different this summer. And not give myself the opportunity to talk to my ex when I get bored. 

I’m ready to take a little break from classes. I starting to feel burned out. I took 18 credits of upper-division courses this semester. The people who do that regularly are NUTS. The frustrating thing is, I feel like my classes weren’t really that hard. I’ve just been having a hard time caring lately.

As long as I can remember, I’ve daydreamed about running away when things get tough. A new start always sounds amazing (even though in reality they’re terrifying).  When I was a kid, I longed move and go to a new school. I’m convinced the only reason I made it though high school is because I fantasied about college. My sophomore year of college I almost dropped out of college and went active duty in the Air Force (I took all the tests and peed in a cup IN FRONT OF SOMEONE and everything).

And I’m getting that runaway feeling again. I always have wondered if I should have bitten the bullet and joined the Air Force. But now that I only have a year left of school, I feel like I should just finish my degree. I’m toying with the idea of dropping one of my minors so that  I can try to graduate a semester early.

I’m also thinking about getting my paralegal certificate. I took a media law course this semester and LOVED it. And was good at it. I ordered a few books about the legal system that I’m planning on reading this semester to see if my interest is genuine or fleeting. I just stared the Nine. I’m only 20 pages in, but so far it’s good. I’ll keep you updated.

Other update: I SAW THE TRAILER TO THE SECOND THOR MOVIE. My long-haired lover has returned!!!! There’s hope after all, guys!

Real Talk: Food F-Ups and Loneliness

Let’s just say this week has been challenging. 

I started this week feeling incredibly lonely. A lot of the time I feel like people merely tolerate me. Not only am I fat, but just a dumb, bad person. All of that combined means that not only will I be a fat, homeless, old-maid crazy dog lady for eternity, but a friendless one. Crazy, right? ‘Cause I’m totally awesome. Well, sort of.


Wish I believed this enough and had enough courage to say to the ex

Anyway, if I let those thoughts fester for too long, it turns into a big self-pity fest. The kinds where you’re up until 3 in the morning on a Sunday balling your eyes out because you are totally hopeless about everything. 

Eating correctly has also been a struggle. Working out regularly isn’t really a struggle for me, but food is, even when I know I starting to move in the right direction. For example, yesterday I was down a pound (WOO HOO!) and then went to Old Country Buffet and had 4 plates of food and 3 desserts (BOO!).

I’ve realized this week that I tend to eat WAY too much in social settings. Does anyone have any tips? Even if I tell myself to chug a bunch of water beforehand and during, it doesn’t stop me.


Even though this week has SUCKED I’ve had a few good moments with Jesus this week. And as much I hate sucky weeks, I think God uses seasons like this to pull us back to Him. I’m frustrated with myself and humanity that it takes low moments to realign ourselves with the Lord, but it is what it is. Trials make us stronger! (James 1:2-4)

And, if you’re really trusting in God and not ourselves or worldly things or desires, you’re more than alright.

“Thus says the Lord:

Cursed are those who trust in

mere mortals

and make mere flesh their strength,

whose hearts turn away from the Lord.

They shall be like a shrub in the desert,

and shall not see when relief comes.

They shall live in the parched places of

the wilderness,

in an uninhabited salt land.

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,

whose trust is the Lord. 

They shall be like a tree planted by the water,

sending out its roots by the stream.

It shall not rear when hear comes,

and its leaves shall stay green;

in the year of drought it is not anxious,

and it does not cease to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:5-8


A Procrastination Post: Summer and Sweets

I’m currently at the laundromat, pretending to be productive while I suck down some lukewarm coffee.

You would never guess that it’s the middle of April and that summer is just around the corner on this rainy day. While I’m ready for the semester to be over, I’m definitely not ready for summer. I have NO idea what I’m doing yet and time is running out.

All I know is that I want I don’t want to go back to my hometown and work the same job for the 6th summer in a row. I feel like I need a change of scenery – even if it means staying in the same town as my university.

I wouldn’t love to go out of state, but that means I need to get my crap together and take a a leap of faith apply for some programs. I just need to remember that God is in control. If I’m supposed to go out of state, He’ll open a door for me. And if  work at the same place again, I have to accept that’s where He wants me to be.

From Pinterest again!

On another note, I went to a friend’s bridal shower today. What’s mind-blowing is that she’s my age. If she wasn’t considerably more mature and getting married to a stellar man who she’s known forever I’d be pooping my pants.

I ate WAY TOO MUCH. I had probably 7 of the world’s best chocolate chip cookies, 2 funfetti cupcakes and some chips. Saying I have a sweet tooth is an understatement.

Otherwise, I’m proud to say before the shower all I had was a smoothie for breakfast, and an apple and peanut butter, 2 corn tortillas and salsa for lunch. I’m also determined to get a work out in today. Balance is key. …Which means next time not eating as many cookies .

Real Talk: What I Mean by “Live Healthy”

I write to you today while I sip on my third cup of coffee. I like it black – like my soul. It’s also 1 pm and I’m still in my pajamas.

In my last post I mentioned that I’m trying to get healthier/live healthier. Right after I posted it, I realized “getting healthy” is really vague. Last night I was talking with my wonderful friend Sherica about what I meant when I said that, and I knew I had to blog about it.

In our culture, saying you want to”get healthy” is essentially saying “I want to lose weight”. I could ramble for far too long about how that is really messed up and sad, but I’ll just move on and say losing weight is only a part of my definition of getting healthy.

My weight has fluctuated a lot in the past year and half.  2 summers ago I lost somewhere around 20 pounds. I ate more fruits and veggies and started running. I didn’t eat crap when I was bored or sad. Physically, I felt great. Since then, I’ve gained about 10 pounds back. I’d like to get back down to what I weighed that summer.

The thing is, when I lost all the weight 2 summers ago, I was going through a rough season of my life. I convinced myself that if I lost weight people, especially boys, would like me more. And if people liked me more, I’d find happiness.

Biggest. Misconception. Ever.

Since then, I’ve learned 2 things:

     1) No matter how much you weigh, people – even boys aren’t going to like you. 

I found this jem on Pinterest. Check out my boards!

2) Sometimes getting attention from guys just makes you feel emptier.

3) The only way to totally satisfy my soul is to live for Jesus

This time around, my goal is to get healthy – both physically and spiritually.

Instead of eating because I’m upset, I want to go to God with those feelings. Anything that is separating you from God is sin. That includes food! This is something that I’ve struggled with as long as I can remember. And it needs to stop.

This time around I need to get healthy so I can enjoy this beautiful body God has created for me – not to get attention from people or boys.

Even ones that look like Jax Teller (from Sons of Anarchy).

You thought I’d leave you without a picture of pretty, long-haired man, didn’t you? Why would I do that to you?

I’ll also leave you with this bible verse. Let me know what you think in the comments.

“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6 NRSV